The lessons you learn are the ones that shape your future decisions.
If there's one thing I've learned in life, in former relationships, and more specifically in the last few months, it's that the Grand Gesture is more obsolete than the I Phone 4. I know what you're thinking...what the heck is a Grand Gesture? Am I right? I say this in jest, but if you're a part of MY generation or a later one, then this form of art is indeed lost upon you. I'm willing to bet some of you needed to refer to OED for this one...better safe than sorry. Please forgive me if it sounds like I'm judging...I am not! If you are completely unfamiliar with the concept of a Grand Gesture in general, it's probably because you choose to be wise and avoid unrealistic portrayals of love in the media. Whether you are vaguely or keenly familiar with it only in fantasies, lifetime movies, and Danielle Steel novels, then the blame also doesn't fall upon you, the individual. It is a burden that we, as a generation, must carry. We are the generation of "Come over and watch a movie" dates, of "I sent you a text asking you" romantic requests, and "Send me a sexy pic" foreplay. The standards to which we've lowered ourselves as both women AND men, is enough to make you quit on romance altogether.We degrade ourselves, we settle for rubbish, and we mistake disrespect for flattery. Romance is hanging off of a cliff waiting for us to give it a hand, and the Grand Gesture is dangling at its feet, holding on for dear life.
Back to our original question...what the heck is a Grand Gesture? A variety of things can fall in that category. My definition? Any act that is done completely out of the comfort zone of one individual for another as an assurance of love. It can include such acts as: sending a bouquet of favorite flowers, cooking a romantic dinner, showing up with a horse and carriage (I'm all about extremes), reciting poetry, serenading, naming a star after someone, planning a picnic, planning a date that really says you pay attention, buying something meaningful from their childhood...the list could literally go on and on. To be honest, the Grand Gesture varies from person to person, the experience and its significance is completely subjective. If you know your partner at all, then a Grand Gesture should be a piece of cake. So why, do you ask, is it becoming a lost art?
Well it's like this, in order for something to be in demand, it needs to be valued. For it to be valued, it needs to be understood, or at least appreciated. In order for it to be appreciated, it needs to be respected. Therein lies the problem. Men and women today--and I speak generally of course--do not value or respect romance as it was. Romance was never broken, simply a bit outdated. Instead of upgrading it, we chose to destroy it and make it obsolete. There is something to be said about taking a risk for the person you love, exposing yourself completely in hopes that the return will favor you. But this is where it gets tricky.
The Grand Gesture also has the tendency to irritate the person you love, especially if it takes place after a break up. Why is that? Because here's you telling me that all along, you had it in you to be the thoughtful, appreciative, considerate person that I wanted, but you simply decided not to put forth the effort. In this case, the risk of looking like a fool is much higher.
Grand Gestures are most successful when a relationship is on slightly rocky grounds, but still intact. This proves to the person that you noticed there was a problem and that it's being ignored. You're taking steps to rectify it and that you're just as invested as ever. I know it sounds complicated, but as I mentioned before, it's not. It's like any other form of art, some are talented, some are mediocre, and others should never pick up a brush. But none of these people would ever discover in which category they fall unless they at least attempted to be a great artist.
2 comments:
Very interesting and very true indeed. However, speaking from the outside perspective, I must say that the reason why Grand Gestures are so obsolete, in the sense of stepping out of one's comfort zone, is because most people are conditioned to stay in one's safe and secure way of living. Many people don't have enough of a backbone to dare to be different, the unique one, forcing them to succumb to societal, social, emotional norms.
Many might try to blame the "lack of communication" idea, but I feel that the problem stems from a lazy mentality. Most American, even down to a linguistic level, are lazy and will do just the minimum to "maintain". Lazy and Grand Gesture are of no mixture. It is quite sad how grand gesture and chivalry are lacking, but when it is present, it is quite phenomenal!
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